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Window of tolerance

Here are some questions for you:

Why is it that on some days you can think clearly in a crisis, and on others your mind just shuts down?

How do you know when you’re reaching your limit? Can you tell when you’re starting to lose focus, go blank, or become tense?

Do you react differently when you feel safe or supported?

Hyperarousal

Do you ever feel like your mind is racing and you can’t tell what’s really urgent?

Do you feel constantly on edge, as if something bad might happen?

This is a state of increased attention, responsiveness, and energy. You may be reacting out of survival instinct - wanting to fight or run away from danger. You may feel anxious, angry, your heart racing, your body restless, tense, and sweaty.

Salience network (dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and insula) - the "fire alarm" becomes faulty

Some people who experienced trauma may struggle to filter out irrelevant information from their internal and external sensations. They may get triggered and stuck in a particular thought or feeling under threat.

a man standing on a beach next to a body of water

man in blue denim jeans walking through the sand

A person petting a tortoiseshell cat outdoors.

woman in white bikini bottom kneeling on green grass field during sunset

a notebook with a pair of ear buds attached to it

man in black jacket sitting on rock in the middle of the sea during daytime

Ways to cope:

Mindfulness, slow breathing, grounding, naming five things you can see, calming touch, gentle stretching, music, writing, spending time alone, push firmly into your chest

Hypoarousal

Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed about something you’ve done?

Wanted to hide from people or places that make you feel scared?

Felt so low that it’s hard to get out of bed or leave the house?

In this state, you may feel helpless, dissociated/numb, withdrawn, low energy, disconnected. It is your body trying to shut down to conserve energy to survive.

Central executive network (dorsolateral prefrontal cortex) - the “thinking brain” becomes offline

Some people cope with distress by focusing on specific or routine tasks. This can help them feel in control, but they may still struggle to manage other important responsibilities and feel bad about it. Others might have many ideas but find it hard to turn those ideas into action. When this happens, they can feel overwhelmed or stuck, as if everything is too much to handle.

Ways to come back from hypoarousal and build executive functioning:

Movement, sensory stimulation (cool water, music), reading, slow fist bumps (by yourself or with someone), take baby steps towards a goal, do the task that is quickest to finish (e.g. make a cup of coffee, pick up 3 things from your room)

two white ear buds laying on top of an open book

boy in green and white striped t-shirt and black pants sitting on concrete stairs during

a person holding a christmas stocking next to a christmas tree

Window of tolerance

Imagine moving your arm through air, easy, right? Now imagine moving it through thick gel, harder, but still possible.

Your window of tolerance is like that gel or a pool. When it’s full of calming memories and sensations, you can move through life more freely and see more of its colours.

The goal is to thicken the gel or widen your pool, so you’re less likely to get pulled into the extremes, hyperarousal or hypoarousal, and can stay balanced more easily.

Default mode network (posterior cingulate cortex and medial prefrontal cortex)

It helps you make sense of yourself and your experiences, but when it takes over, it can keep you trapped in worry or self-blame.

After trauma, this network can become hard to access. A person may lose their sense of self, not knowing what they like or feeling uncomfortable being alone. They might rely on strong stimulation, like loud music, to feel something. Sometimes they only feel alive in danger or when talking about their trauma, and feel numb when life is calm.

Abstract rainbow colors with textured surface

Ways to feel alive in the present while staying in peace:

Psychotherapy or journalling to increase self-reflecting functioning and awareness of self, read and reflect on how to become a better version of yourself, practice self-care and self-compassion: healthy diet, exercise, sleep habits

woman in white bathtub holding clear drinking glass

Person lying down with light trails around them

Imagination is central to recovery. What if ...

feeling aroused or numb isn’t weakness — but a signal that my body telling me that it needs care?

my body was trying to figure out strategies of protecting me, rather than failing me?

emotional regulation is something I can train, rather than something I should already have?

I stop self-blaming and start trusting my decisions?

I can recognise my triggers and regain balance more quickly?

How can I ...

stay committed to improve myself, rather than self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage (e.g., ignoring your needs) isn’t failure, it’s often a form of self-protection that once helped you survive. Now, you can give yourself permission to start trusting your own decisions.

stay calm all the time?

The goal isn’t to stay calm all the time, but to recognise your triggers and regain your balance after stress.

Checklists

Identify, recognise the symptoms you experience, and build awareness. Check all the symptoms you experience and rate the level of impact to your daily life. What triggers these symptoms?